LONDON (last night)

I saw him sitting smoking his pipe outdoors. It had been almost six years since I last saw him. I fell in love with him. I fell in love with him but I was engaged at the time. Yes, I did. I was engaged to someone else. As much as I knew it was wrong to have feelings for anyone else but my husband to be, I could not control how I felt about him. I constantly felt guilty though I took no action on how I feel. I hid it so well. I always questioned the reasons behind how he makes me feel when he is around me. The look in his eyes that says more than any words can say. I always admit my poor judgment, but when it comes to being faithful I do what is right.

I walked pass him in my dark grey fur coat and saw that look in his eyes the same sparkle that I had left years behind. As my foot steps came closer together I could feel him walking behind me, though London crowds have come between us I was still sure he was following me. I gave him no sign of recognition. Not even a glimpse or a smile. I made my way through the hotel lobby and announced my arrival to the Maître d‘ he told me my mom was waiting for me and led me to our table in the back of the restaurant. I was seated after they took my coat; facing my mother with my back towards everyone else in the restaurant.

Enjoying my foie gras unaccompanied with wine, until one of my mom’s friends insisted we switch places so I can be closer to her since it was my last night. “Well, this is only our second meal together though it is my last night” I mumbled. My mom had decided to go to Megève the same night I had arrived. The minute the waiters rearranged our seats and I was facing the rest of the world the whole restaurant started spinning.

There he was all 6’2” of him standing and handing his coat to the coat checker. I swallowed that bite and it dawned on me, I need alcohol. Not only am I sitting at a french restaurant with my mother and her ridiculously pretentious friends but there he is right across the restaurant from me by the window. I kept looking at him and my mom kept talking as I nodded my head though I was completely absent. His eyes were talking and my eyes were listening. He told me what had happened since he last saw me. He told me how he felt as I walked pass him without even looking back. It felt exactly like it did four years ago when I broke off my last engagement and didn’t care to tell him.

I wanted to scream and felt like crying. You think it was easy to end my engagement…you think it was a happy thing to announce to all my friends and family that I had chosen the wrong guy and marrying him is only going to make me miserable….What was I supposed to do call you and say we can now be together….I could never do that…. The thought of you being the reason I left him would haunt me for the rest of my life….Knowing I fell in love with you after I had already gotten engaged to the man of my dreams….

Let’s just leave it at where it was and not go back……

I have no feelings, I have no heart. I have lost the ability to love.

To Be Continued……

يوم أقبلت ..

صوَّت لها جرحي القديم

يوم أقبلت ..

طِرنا لها أنا وشوقي والنَّسيم

وعيونها ..

عين لمحتني وشهقت

وعين حضنت عيني وبكت

ويافرحتي ..

الحظ الَّليله كريم..

محبوبتي .. معزومه مِن ضِمن المعازيم..

في زحمة النَّاس صعبه حالتي

فجأه إختلف لوني وضاعت خُطوتي

مِثلي وقِفت تِلمس جُروحي وحِيرتي

بعيده وقِفت وأنا بعيد بلهفتي

ماأحد عرف الَّلي حصل

وما أحد لمس مثلي الأمل

كلِّ إبتسامه مهاجره جات ..

رِجعت لشفِّتي

وكل الدروب الضايعه منَّي ..

تنادي خطوتي

ويارِحلة الغُربه.. وِداعاً رِحلتي

ياعُيون الكون غُضَّي بالنَّظر

واتركينا اثنين عين تِحكي لعين

إتركينا الشَّوق ماخلَّى حذر

بلا خوف بنلِتقي .. وبلا حيره بنلتقي

بألتقي بعيونها وعيونها أحلى وطن ..

وكُلَ الأمان ..

كلمات/ فائق عبدالجليل

ألحان / عدنان خوجه

~ by Purple Velvet on March 9, 2010.